WHAT A GREAT CROWD, HI, I'M DR. HOLLYWOOD, I GOT MARRIED SINCE LAST TIME.... I STILL SAY COMEDY CAN MAKE YOU FEEL YOUNGER AND ON VACATION,............ON THE WAY OVER HERE, I HEARD ON THE RADIO THAT CAR RENTAL COMPANIES WERE CUTTING THEIR TIES WITH THE NRA, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE WITH THEM FOR ANYWAY,I COULDN'T RENT A CAR UNTIL I WAS 21............... AND MENTALLY COMPETENT TO PASS A DRIVING TEST................... IT WAS TOUGH, NOT AT ALL EASY BREEZY, LIKE GETTING THE RIGHT TO CARRY A CONCEALED MACHINE GUN IN TEXAS.....................AND BEWARE LICENSES, INSURANCE, TRAFFIC SIGNS AND SPEED LIMITS WERE THE FIRST STEP TO TOTAL CONFISCATION OF OUR CARS? ................................OH WAIT, EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST 3 CARS IN AMERICA.................THE HOOKERS IN VEGAS REALLY MISS UBERS WITH DRIVERS, THEY USED TO BE ABLE TO WORK OFF THEIR FARES...................... LIKE MY RUBENESQUE SLIGHTLY FAT NEW WIFE WHEN WE WENT TO THE PIER AFTER SHE HAD ONE OF HER SLIGHTLY EXCESSIVE DINNERS............THE FISHERMEN WHISPERED QUESTIONS, WHAT KIND OF LURE DID I USE............................ HAD I CAUGHT ONE BEFORE................... IF I THREW A STICK WOULD SHE FETCH?............................... HER DOG GROWLS WHEN I COME INTO MY OWN HOUSE........................I GOT HIM TRAINED ON A NEWSPAPER, NOW HE PUTS A CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM RIGHT ON MY NEWLY DELIVERED LA TIMES......................I GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE AND HE NUGES THE DOOR CLOSED ON ME...........................WITH ALL THE CHOLATE ICE CREAM PILES AND HIS SNIFFING OTHER MALE DOGS BEHINDS,WHILE HIS NAME IS PRINCE, I CALL HIM "DAIRY QUEEN"............... ..SPEAKING OF PRINCE, I GET A KICK OUT OF INTERNET EUROPEAN ROYALTY PICTURES, THEY COULD BE WEARING JUST A PLAIN BLUE SUIT BUT THEY HAVE TO HAVE THESE HUGE MEDALS HANGING DOWN BELOW THE POCKET HOLE............... WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?........................WHO DOES THAT?..........................WHAT OLYMPICS DID THEY WIN OR WAS IT A NOBEL PEACE PRIZE? .................DON'T THEY THINK THIS IS OVERDOING IT..................................................YOU KNOW THEY NEVER WORKED A DAY IN THEIR LIVES.............. EVEN IF THEY HAD REALLY EARNED A REAL MEDAL, WHICH IS QUESTIONABLE, YOU DON'T GO AROUND WEARING YOUR MEDALS ON A PLAIN SUIT, IT'S DE'CLASSE.................. IT'S STRICTLY FOR A MILITARY UNIFORM................ THAT 4 HOUR WARNING ABOUT VIAGRA IS JUST ADVERTIZING BULLSHIT, BY THE WAY...................... THE NAVY GAVE ME MANY MEDALS, I DON'T WEAR THEM ON MY SUITS, MAYBE A SLIGHTLY ARROGANT PIN IN THE LAPEL.......................................AS FOR MY GOOD CONDUCT MEDALS, MY WIFE'S WAS HARDER TO EARN THAN THE NAVY'S.............................I STILL DON'T GET ANY LOVE..............................AND ROYALS ARE NOT REALLY LEGENDS EXCEPT IN THEIR OWN MINDS ..........................IF ANYTHING ROYALS MUST BE GENETICALLY INFERIOR FROM ALL THOSE YEARS OF INTERBREEDING......................THOSE WHO DON'T TURN OUT GOOD, THEY LOCK AWAY, OR THEY MAY GET AWAY, LIKE OUR LAST KING, GEORGE..............AND NOW TRUMP.....................SCIENCE PONTS OUT MATING DIFFERENT GROUPS MAKES A MORE HEALTHY OFFSPRING, IT'S CALLED "HYBRID VIGOR"..................MY WIFE CAME HOME WITH A MEDAL LAST NITE AND A HAND FULL OF CASH, TO PAY MY TRAILER'S RENT AT THE TRAILER PARK, I HOPE......................................SO WHAT'S THE MEDAL DEAL, MY MALE CONCLUSION TO HELP THEM GET LAID ........................................ESPECIALLY THE YOUNG GUYS WITH THE BRIGHT RED UNIFORM WITH GOLD CORDS AND HUGE MEDALS, ALL WRAPPED UP IN A PUSSY TITILATING, PURPLE SASH, YEAH .....................LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON DID TO WOW THE 10 YEAR OLDS,SOME WOMEN ARE SUCKERS FOR PRETTY GIFT WRAPPING..............ANYWAY, IT'S IN OUR US CONSTITUTION, WE DON'T HAVE ROYAL TITLES, SO DON'T PLAY ALONG WITH THIS CRAP, WE ARE CITIZENS NOT SUBJECTS ............... AT LEAST SO FAR IF THE RICH REPUBLICANS REPLACE OUR DEMOCRACY WITH AN OLIGARCY..........................BUT, WITH SOME WOMEN, IT'S LIKE DRIVING A RED CAR.................I USED TO HAVE A RED PORSCHE, IT HELPED OUT WITH THE BABES...................BUT ON THE HIGHWAYS, WATCH OUT, YUCK, WERE THE COPS EVER JEALOUS, DRIVING A RED CAR IS LIKE BEING A 12 POINT BUCK, IN HUNTING SEASON.....................BUT ME.EVEN BEING MARRIED NOW....................... I JUST NEVER GET ANY REAL LOVE WITHOUT PAY, GOING TO HAVE TO GET OUT THE OLD MEDALS, AND A RED CAR I GUESS.......WITH MY LUCK WITH WOMEN I'M ABOUT THE SAME AS A COUPLE OF VERY, VERY BIG STARS ....RICHARD SIMMONS ...............AND TIGER WOODS............................NOW TAKE MY UNFAITHFUL WIFE, PLEASE....................BOY, SHE SCREAMS WHEN SHE HAS SEX, AT LEAST WHEN I ACCIDENTLY WALK IN ON HER..............IN 20/20 HINDSIGHT, I NEVER GOT ANY REAL LOVE IN MY LIFE, NEVER ............I GUESS THAT'S WHY OUR KIDS ARE GOOD LOOKING AND DON'T LOOK LIKE ME YOU KNOW, KINDA DOWN AND OUT LOOKING LIKE WOODY ALLEN ..............MY SON IS GETTING TO BE THE REAL SMART-ALEC, ONCE I SAID SOMEDAY HE'D UNDERSTAND WHEN HE HAD KIDS OF HIS OWN,... HE SAID YOU TO YEAH,... SOMEDAYYY AND LAUGHED............................I GET NO LOVE ANYWHERE...........I WAS IN A HOTEL ROOM LAST WEEK THOUGH, AND TWO CUTE LADIES WERE KNOCKING AT MY DOOR ALL NITE, IT GOT SO BAD I FINALLY HAD TO LET THEM BOTH OUT............................MY KIDS CAN WORK COMPUTERS, BUT KIDS ARE STILL VERY VERY DUMB IN MANY, MANY WAYS, YES, THEY WILL CHOOSE CEREAL AT THE MARKET JUST LIKE A GROWN MAN WILL CHOOSE LINGEREE, JUST THINKING SOLELY ABOUT THE PRIZE THAT'S GOING TO BE INSIDE.....................................MY WIFE AND I WERE HAPPY FOR ABOUT 20 YEARS AND THEN WE MET............................GUYS, WHEN DID YOU FIRST LEARN THAT A WOMAN ROLLING HER EYES IS SAYING "HE'S AN ASS"? .............................THEY STILL THINK WE DON'T SEE IT, I CAN TELL IT OVER THE PHONE NOW BY THE SHIFT IN THE VOICE.......................I LEARNED IT FIRST THE HARD WAY WHEN I WAS ASKING MY NEW WIFE AFTER YOU KNOW WHAT, IF IT WAS GOOD FOR HER....................NOW,.I HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO HER IN 2 YEARS, I 'M AFRAID TO INTERRUPT.........................THAT'S WHY I HAVE A GOOD CONDUCT MEDAL **************.........[[[[[[[[[[...........YES,.THIS IS A KIND OF A SURREPTITIOUS JOKE REVIVIAL, IF YOU SAY SO, YOU DON'T WANT YOUR FAVORITES TO DIE FOREVER, DO YOU? .......IT CAN BE RATHER SUBLIMELY, POIGNENT, D'EJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN YOU KNOW, IF YOU'LL LET IT. JUST LIKE A NEW VERSION OF A GREAT SONG ]]]]]]]]]]]]**************.........YEAH, I NEVER GET ANY LOVE.............I TOLD HER I WAS SEEING A PSYCHIATRIST; SHE SAID SHE WAS SEEING 7 DOCTORS, 2 FIREMEN AN OUR BUTCHER........................ I CAME HOME FROM WORK EARLY AND SAW A NUDE JOGGER GOING BY, I SAID WHAT GIVES, WHY THE NEIGHBORHOOD NUDE JOGGING IT HURTS MY PROPERTY VALUES, HE SAID, IT'S BECAUSE YOU CAME HOME EARLY.....................HE WAS REAL APOLOGETIC, I'LL GIVE HIM THAT.......... IT'S GOT SO, I HAVE TO PAY FOR ANY LOVE I GET....IT WAS OUR 13TH ANNIVERSARY, JASMINE OR JADE, SO I BOUGHT THEM BOTH HOME FROM MY CLUB TO LAP DANCE FOR HER, TOO................................ARE YOU WATCHING THIS ON TV OR LISTENING ON RADIO NOW SWEETHEART? "ALEXIA, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS AND PLAY SOFT ROMANTIC MUSIC," SEE, I CAN BE A SENSITIVE GUY TOO JUST LIKE YOUR CURRENT TOWTRUCK DRIVER BOYFRIEND........... SHE ALMOST CUT ME OFF TOTALLY LAST MONTH, I WAS LUCKY, SHE WAS SO MAD SHE DID CUT OFF 3 DOCTORS...............MY WIFE IS GREAT IN ONE WAY, UNLIKE A LOT OF WOMEN, SHE LIKES SOFT INTIMATE TALK DURING SEX, LAST WEEK SHE CALLED ME ALL THE WAY FROM A PARIS HOTEL..............................SHE MET ME THE OTHER EVENING IN A SEXY NEGLIGEE, SADLY, SHE WAS THE ONE JUST COMING HOME.............SHE HAS BEEN PICKED UP SO MANY TIMES SHE HAS GROWN SKIN HANDLES..................... TWIN ASTRAUNATS, ONE IN SPACE FOR 342 DAYS COMES BACK HIS DNA IS 7% CHANGED FROM HIS TWIN, THAT'S A KEY TO EVOLUTION'S CAUSE, OUTER SPACE RAYS THAT HIT THE BODY ONCE IN A WHILE AND CAUSE US TO MUTATE..............LIKE LADIES SKIN HANDLES.............BUT I DON'T FIGHT THE EVOLUTION ARGUMENTS ANYMORE, THE TV CHURCHS ARE TO STRONG.... SO I'M JUST A UNITARIAN WE CAN BELIEVE IN ANY GOD AND ALL GO TO HEAVEN. .....THERE ARE NO SINS AND WE FOLLOW ONLY 4 OF THE COMMMANDMENTS.....................GODS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, PEOPLE WITH GODS KILL PEOPLE...........>>>>>>"AMOS : WHAT DOES THE POPE EAT ON GOOD FRIDAY." "HOLY MACKERAL DER ANDY".....................I AM SO IN NEED OF ROMANCE THAT, WELL, I'M NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST BIT GAY YOU UNDERSTAND, BUT YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHERE TIMES BEING SO TOUGH LIKE IN PRISON, WITH HAVEING SEX EVEN WITH A MAN BUT ONLY FOR A COOL MILLION DOLLARS, WOULDN'T YOU? ....(POINT),... BUT I WON'T PAY YOU 1 CENT OVER A MILLION..............HOW ABOUT YOU TOO DARLING, DOES A COOL MILLION DOLLARS SOUND INTERESTING, WELL GUY OVER THERE, THE DATE IS OFF...............(PHONE CALL) OH, NO, MY WIFE WAS LAST SEEN IN A TOW TRUCK TOWING MY MOTOR HOME TOWARDS AN ARMY BASE,........ AND HASN'T BEEN SEEN SINCE....................... SEE WHAT I MEAN, I NEVER EVER GET ANY LOVE, ..............MY WIFE IS JUST LIKE FEDERAL EXPRESS IF SHE GOES ON A DATE SHE SIMPLY HAS TO BE THERE OVERNITE....................SAY,.DOES ANY, ANY CUTE LADY HERE WANT TO GIVE A POOR STANDUP, WHO DOESN'T GET ANY LOVE, BUT MAY BE A BIG STAR IN HOLLYWOOD....... A HUG .....................NOTHING?............SO, THAT'S IT FOLKS, YOU'VE BEEN A GREAT CROWD,... THANKS FOR NOTHING ....................I'M DR.FUNK OR DUDES YOU CAN JUST CALL ME BY MY STREET NAME, DR FUNK AVE. OR DR FUNK STREET, IF YOU DIDN'T GET AVE............OR JUST DR FUNK S...T..PERIOD ......... OKAY DENNN..WE GOOOD?.........